here is a new story. let me know what you guys think. I have been writing this one for a while and I really do love it.
Stories of the Days
Every day it starts with the same thing.
My phone goes off and wakes me from my dreams.
Some times I welcome that.
Other times I regret being woken.
Either way it never fails.
I look at my phone and stare till my eyes can focus on the screen.
Then I take a deep breath and calm myself.
I swear this girl pisses me off.
She will text me for no dang reason.
But since it’s her and it happens every day it’s kinda hard to control my anger.
Hey, what is it?
It also never fails for her to take forever to message back.
I swear I could just punch this chick in the face.
The only reason I don’t is because I can use her later.
I know that sounds bad.
But if you knew all the things that happen in my life you would understand.
I am not claiming to know you or whoever you are.
Time passes and she finally answers back.
O nothing, I was bored n thought I should txt you while I wait for the bus.
That’s when I bite my tongue.
Fighting with her wouldn’t solve anything.
Just because she is a stupid H.O.E.
I have known her for a while now.
She always says she loves someone she is with but I honestly think it’s not possible for her to love anyone.
Really? It’s 6 am and I didn’t go to bed till 4.
Its not my problem tht u didn’t go 2 bed.
This is the next moment when I think about breaking my phone.
But then I don’t because I can’t afford another one.
I am sorry. I am not in high school like someone. So I don’t really need to go to bed at a set time.
You’re grumpy today.
You woke me at 6am.
Who does that?
Everyone knows I don’t wake up till at least noon.
Today doesn’t start till I atleast get 6 hours of sleep. -.-
O stop being grumpy. G2g, at school. Bai.
It would be a blessing if this chick could learn how to spell.
I understand that its texting but d.a.m.n.
I hate text talk.
I honestly believe people came up with it to make us all look stupid.
You would think this would be the time I would go back to sleep.
You thought wrong.
This is the time that my younger sister comes into my room.
“Josh! Wake up! You have to take me to school!”
Growling low in my throat and throwing the blanket off.
Yeah, I sleep in boxers.
I am a guy and I am sorry I can’t sleep with a shirt on or pants.
Because I hate the feeling.
The only thing I do to take my sister to school most days is pull a pair of pants on and walk out the door with my keys.
90% of the time I don’t even take my phone with me.
Since her school is just down the road and its not like I am gonna need it.
After I drop her off at school I will always yell.
“Pull your pants up!!”
Yeah, she is a girl but she wears men’s boxers.
Says they are more comfortable.
I am honestly not sure considering I never tired girl underwear on.
Nor do I want too.
There isn’t anyway all my junk will fit in that.
So Anyways back to the point.
Then I head home and my mom always stops me in the living room.
“You drop her off? She wasn’t late was she?”
Normally I don’t say a word to her.
I don’t speak in the morning.
Not because I cant but because I just don’t like too.
I get annoyed to easily in the morning.
AKA I am not a morning person.
I would be maybe if it started at I don’t know.
My mom already knows her answers.
So I plop on the couch and watch supernatural because it comes on around that time.
Yeah, its all-old episodes but I still like to watch it.
Besides that, Sam and Dean are…. HOT!!
God, I remember the episode when Sam was working out and you saw him shirtless.
What I wouldn’t do to him.
Oh yeah, If you haven’t guessed it by now, I am Gay.
My friend Audrie says I am too gay to function.
Which is kinda true.
Heck once I took her shopping and I picked out her jeans.
Buts its weird!
I don’t look like your normal gay guy.
I have black hair that goes across my right eye.
I have these two freckles that are on each side of my lips that makes a little happy face when I smile.
If you look at me you would think I am straight or maybe I just don’t give a shit.
In truth I am one of the very few people that will stay up all night trying to talk someone out of suicide.
My problem is that I care too much.
Now I am rambling on and on.
My mom would get up and say that she is going back to bed.
Then our two Chihuahuas would look at me like… “Please don’t put us in the cage.”
Gizmo is the smaller of the two but he is my little punk.
I swear he is so dang cute.
I normally call him Mr. Giz or peter.
I have no idea why he answers to peter.
One day I just called it and he came running.
The other is a good size bigger than giz.
His name is Mr. Puddie.
We named him after that TV commercial with the old man petting that fake white cat.
I know its stupid.
But that’s his name.
Or whatever else I feel like yelling at him.
He gets into everything and makes a mess all over the house.
So me not wanting to clean up a mess I lock them both up so I can go back to sleep.
Once I get back in my room I try to go back to bed.
Which normally fails greatly.
Big surprise there!
I want to get back to sleep so I can dream of…
So there is this guy.
He has been in my dreams the last couple of nights.
I think I know who it is…
It’s kinda weird though…
The guy is….
Is my ex’s bestfriend.
His name is Ian Ray.
My ex’s name is Damon.
For a long time I thought our relationship was great.
That was till I started really talking to Ian.
I should have guessed something wasn’t right…
But I wanted to believe everything was fine.
Everything was perfect…
Later I found out through Ian, that Damon cheated on me.
I really don’t want to tell anyone, whom he cheated on me with.
It’s no ones business besides mine.
Ever since I found that out I have just been kinda broken.
I pretend with everyone that I am okay.
I am the farthest thing from okay.
Shattered is a better definition of how I am.
Oh well I guess…
Anyways, I have been having these dreams with Ian in them.
Most of the time they are so sweet.
I can’t explain to you how much they mean to me.
It’s like they are healing me…
I do know they give me hope.
It’s not only that, Ian has almost the same dreams as me.
I kinda think we’re linked in a way.
He thinks that way too…
Most of all we want to know is…
Neither of us can answer that question.
So I have given up on answering it.
I have just been enjoying them and getting to know this guy.
Life is one of those things that is always changing.
I think Ian likes me.
Yet I am honestly not sure.
He isn’t the kind of guy that just comes out and says things like that.
Maybe I should ask him next time I see him.
That would be all find and dandy but I probably would be too nervous to even speak to him.
Since the dreams started I don’t look at him the same way I used too.
He was always so cold and mean before…
I have a feeling though that that is just a mask he puts on around people.
He probably thinks that if he acts that way people will leave him alone.
I honestly get that.
I have been there.
What did I learn though?
I learned that, no matter what you do… no one will ever leave you alone.
People are sick and twisted beings now days.
We don’t care about each other.
All we think anymore is about ourselves, and looking like the strongest guy around.
Which pisses me the h.e.l.l off.
I don’t know what happened over the years to f.u.c.k. everyone up so much but I refuse to treat someone like that.
I won’t just hurt someone to make me seem powerful or strong.
I have learned over time that true strength lies in the heart.
The truth about Ian, or at least what I think is…
He is a sweet and caring guy.
He takes so much to heart…
I know he is the hardest person on himself.
To be honest, when I look at him I see a guy that just wants to be loved.
But in the ended isn’t that what we all want?
I’m gonna go to the book store…
Maybe I can find some peace and Answers.
I love the smell of a bookstore.
Now if you don’t know the smell I am talking about then something is wrong with you.
The first thing I have to do since I plan to spend a couple of hours here is get me mocha.
Coffee and books just go together.
Like Christians and the bible.
I know that’s a weird thought.
It’s still very true though.
Reading for me is like therapy.
If I didn’t start reading back in high school I doubt I would be still sane.
Let alone alive.
Reading allows me to leave this world and dive into something more interesting.
Something that gives me hopes and dreams.
I have read over a hundred books and I still find more that I want to read.
Taking my coffee I walk down the allies looking for something I might be interested in.
The book Acheron…
I have wanting to read it.
Why the h.e.l.l not?
I grab the book and go check out.
The very next thing I always do is grab a comfy chair in the café area and start reading.
It’s been far to long since I have done this.
I remember when I was always here.
Buying and reading a different book ever couple of days.
The only reason I stopped was because so much shit started happening in my life.
Some times I wish I could go back and just remove all of that shit from my life.
Yeah, yeah that probably sounds like a cough out but d.a.m.n…
How much shit am I suppose to go through before I get a break?
Some people would tell me to stop complaining and be a man.
But guess what!
I don’t give a f.u.c.k, what you think or say.
If I want to complain then I will complain.
To be candid with you; being a gay guy isn’t all the rainbows and unicorns people make it out to be.
Being gay is harder than you can ever imagine.
For explain straight people can go into the showers at gym and not care a single bit.
But the moment there is a gay guy or girl in there with you…
Everyone starts acting like we are just gonna attack them or something.
Just because I am attracted to guys doesn’t mean I am attracted to all guys.
It doesn’t mean I want anything to do with you.
Yeah, I know what you think gay guys are like.
The entire going to raves half naked and grinding on each other.
For some reason people think that all gays do is have s.e.x.
Now that is wonderful you think we have that kind of energy.
But lets be real…
There is no difference between me than a straight guy.
I don’t shit rainbows.
When I shit it stinks.
I mean damn let’s be f.u.c.king honest.
I don’t come glitter.
An if I did I personally would freak the f.u.c.k out.
Who the h.e.l.l wants that?
Suddenly this guy that’s smiling at me and walking this way brings me back into reality.
God, out of all people this is who you send my way?
Hasn’t he screwed up my life enough?
I haven’t even gotten to recover for my last ‘Chat’ with him.
He always says that with such a smile on his face.
An of course he sits down right in front of me.
Smiling like nothing happened between us.
Smiling like he didn’t spreading his legs for someone else because he was desperate.
‘Josh you need to learn to forgive and forget.'
‘Be the better person.’
Yeah that’s what my little angel on my shoulder says.
Oh but wait we have to hear from the devil too.
‘Be the better person! You have already been the better person! You were loyal to that man whore! No offence man...’
Yep that’s my devil.
Always saying the things I normally don’t have the nerve to say.
That was before I found out about him cheating on me.
That night I let my devil take over completely.
I was not about to let him think it was okay.
I was not about to let him to think I would stay with a lying peace of trash.
Oh h.e.l.l no.
Even if I still love him.
I have more respect for myself than that.
Which honestly is very rare for me…
“What do you want Damon? I really don’t have the patience to play your games today.”
He always does this.
Looks all offended and hurt by something I said.
“Is it that hard to believe that I wanted to talk to the guy I am in love with?...”
Okay, that’s it.
I am done being nice.
F.u.c.k this s.h.i.t.
“Last time I checked, you don’t go around sleeping with anyone with a dick when you’re in love with someone. Last time I checked, I was the one that was always honest with you while you lied around every turn. So I am sorry but I could care less about you or your bull-s.h.i.t.”
I turn the page in my book and watch his face closely.
At first he seems angry at what I said and then he kinda sobers up.
Like he knows what I said is the truth.
God-d.a.m.n he is cute.
Shut the h.e.l.l up!
He cheated on you!
You’re not supposed to think that way!
“I deserved that… I know I hurt you and I am sorry… I never meant for you to find out… I do regret it.”
I think its funny that he tries to blink back his tears.
After all he put me through he is a d.a.m.n fool if he thinks I’m gonna so any remorse.
I glance over him and see someone else headed towards are direction.
No that can’t be…
Everything from the other night starts rushing through my head.
Ian was in the hospital because he was stabbed and I rushed there to be there by his side.
Yeah, I know that is weird considering he isn’t my boyfriend.
But I do care about him deeply.
He looked so small in that hospital bed.
His skin was paler than normal and you could tell his hair hasn’t been washed.
An he kinda smelled a little.
But when I walked into the room and his eyes met mine…
That smile of pure happiness touched me in a way that I forgot everything.
I forgot about him and Damon getting in a fight over me.
I forgot how pissed I was at the two of them.
In that moment the only thing that mattered to me was him.
I even forgot to breathe.
Which was embarrassing when I gasped for air and he just laughed at me.
I sat by his side the whole time he was there.
We would talk and talk about all kinds of things.
Like how he really hates hospitals because…
It reminds him that his mother is really gone forever.
She had a major heart attack a couple months back…
Bless her, body just couldn’t take it.
The pain I saw in his eyes killed me.
I tried to comfort him the best that I could by telling him about my cousin that was shot and killed two years ago.
He was a cop for rockdale county and he was serving a warrant for a mans arrest.
The man hid in a closet in the back room and when my cousin…
And other cops came into the room he started firing a gun through the closet door.
One bullet hit him below his protective vest and…
He was gone…
They tried everything they could to bring him back but nothing worked.
He died at the age of 28 a day after his birthday.
Not only did we lose him but his wife took his two kids…
And she refuses to let us seem them.
So yeah I know pain… better than most.
I can easily remember Ian laughing at me when I handed him a stuff bear that said hug me.
God he is gorgeous.
Some people might think he looks creepy but to me…
He is like a beautiful Mustang.
Wild and free.
The next thing I know I am brought back into this realm.
God likes to toy with me.
I don’t mean that but can’t you give me a break?
I could almost bust out laughing when Ian finally reaches us and notice Damon sitting in the chair in front of me.
His eyes widen as he starts to laughs a little.
“Sorry you two, I didn’t know I was interrupting something. Damon, your just so short I didn’t see you over the chair.”
That made me laugh.
It’s crazy how some times in your life; you seem to forget how wonderful a true laugh is.
How it fills you with such joy.
Joy, is something that we all seem to lose touch with…
I wish I could hold onto that.
The joy I mean.
Not Ian’s sexy ass.
Okay, maybe both.
“I’m not that short! I am five foot five!”
I couldn’t help it but to chime in.
“In my book that makes you short!”
I keep laughing so hard that my eyes start to water.
“Oh you jerk!”
Damon stands up and puffs up like a wet cat.
Then he storms out of store.
I keep snickering and then I look up at Ian.
D.a.m.n he just saved me from watching Damon cry like a little girl.
Listening to him say how sorry he is; how he wishes I would give him another chance.
I wont do that to myself.
I refuse to put myself through that kind of heartache again.
“Thanks Ian, you have no idea how much you just saved me…”
Okay, yeah he probably has a d.a.m.n good idea.
But you just have no idea how greatful I am for what he just did.
He smiles that devilish smile and sits in front of me.
“Yeah, it looked to me like you could use some saving today.”
I watch him fix his snap-back.
I really do love his long black hair; Even if his natural hair color is blonde.
I don’t know what it is about him…
But for some reason I feel like I am just drawn to him.
Some times that kinda scares me and…
Other times it excites me.
Damn, it sounds like I am fan girl-ing over him.
I kinda am aren’t I?
“I know how much being around Damon lately bothers you… You do know you could have just texted me and asked for me to come an save you.”
He is so considerate of my feelings.
Which in this day of age is such a rare thing.
Where did all the love go in the world?
He smiles a little and then takes a sip of my coffee.
“Did I say you could have some?”
Oh who am I kidding I don’t care If he drinks it.
He can have the whole thing if he wants.
But then I better get a bite out of him.
Why is my mind so much of a freak?
He is the only person right now that I can stand to be around.
I wonder why that is?
I probably should really sit down and talk to him about us…
D.a.m.n he has pretty eyes…
“Josh you’re staring again…”
“Uh… OH! Sorry mustang…”
Shit did I just say that?..
I know its stupid but I quickly made an excuse…
An then left Ian sitting there..
When I finally got home; my mother yelled from the clothed filled laundry room.
“Josh, Scott is in your room. He said he would just wait till you got home!”
Scott is here?
Why am I smiling?
Walking quickly down the hall to my room I can hear music coming from my door.
I stop at the door to listen to the song.
I knew it would be this song.
Naked love by Adam Lambert…
We Fell in love with this song.
I can easily remember the day the CD came out.
As soon as school let out, we rushed to my car then headed straight to walmart.
Its funny the only thing that seems to stop us from Adam is old people.
It never fails for me to get stuck behind someone driving slowly.
Some times I have this feeling that h.e.l.l is freezing over when that happens.
If I end up in h.e.l.l…
I pray that its in a constant party with all my amazing friends…
Plus all of us wonderful gay people.
You know hell plus gay so equals a constant rave.
Well that and some amazing cloths.
When I finally go into my room I drop my wallet in the wooden box I keep on my small bookshelf and then plop in bed.
Scott, laughs at me and puts one of my books he happened to be reading aside.
“I’m guessing you ran into your ex at the book store and then Ian soon after?”
That freaking floored me.
Something about the way he said that made me look at him.
Short dark drown hair, a beautiful smile, and bright green eyes.
If you look closely you can see some blue…
I only know that because I have known him for years.
“Yeah, how did you know?”
What shocks me was how he is so honest with me.
“Because there is only a few people in this world that can get you this worked up. Josh, your stressed and that’s driving you crazy. When are you just gonna drop them both and find someone that can really make you happy?”
How does he do that?
Its like he is looking into my soul…
“How do you do that?”
Ha for once he doesn’t know all the answers.
“Its like you see right through me. Honestly some times its kinda scary.”
That made him smile ear to ear.
I don’t want to make him seem full of himself but when you give him a compliment one of two things will happen.
One, he will shrug it off and not even care.
The, other is where he takes what you said then acts extremely wise.
This was one of those times.
“I have known you for 10 years now. If I can’t read you by now something is wrong.”
“I can’t read you. Well not the way you can with me.”
I close my eyes and just breathe slowly.
“Josh, if you really tried. Like really went after someone. They would be yours in a heartbeat. You’re a great guy. I just wonder when will you see that…”
“Yeah, yeah, whatever you say handsome. Oh before I forget, I grabbed Archeron at the store. I will let you read it when I’m finished.”
“Please and thank you. Now can we please go out and do something? Anything? When was the last time you went out and hanged out with me?”
A long as time…
So much BS has been happening with my love life that I just lost myself.
Scott is one of the few friends that stuck by me and all my stupid rambling.
He is my best friend and I owe him more than I could ever dream of repaying.
“Under one condition.”
He jumped out of my black and white chair near the bed.
“Lets forget all about my stupid love life. An just have fun like we used too.”
The next thing I know he is pulling me down the hall and I’m in his car.
Where are we going?
Honestly, I don’t give a shit!